Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
by lowlaury
Summary: "You know," she says. "We don't just suck at being a couple, we also suck at being broken up. Seriously." / / Post-TWC. BADE. Jori-friendship.


**I started writing this yesterday and just wrote and wrote and wrote all night and this came out. And to be honest, I don't really like it.**

**It's rated T for a reason. You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own yadda yadda yadda.**

* * *

_It's easy. You walk to your car. Drive to Beck's RV. Go inside. Grab all your belongings. And leave. No big deal._

Sighing, Jade shuts her half-empty closet. It has been four weeks since her and Beck broke up. Four weeks in which they have barely spoken to each other. Well, why should they? They are not dating anymore. But deep down Jade had still been hoping that this was just another one of their temporary breakups and that they would make up soon. This hope faded with every day that passed, though, because it has never taken longer than two weeks for them to get back together before. And now it has been four and they're still avoiding each other like the plague and she isn't waiting anymore. They are over. For good.

The problem is, when you date for almost three years, there's a lot of stuff that you leave at your boyfriend's house. Or RV, in this case. And a lot means "so much that she could have basically lived in this thing". Clothes, make-up, school stuff, books, _everything_. Everything is still in Beck's stupid RV. And now is the time to finally pick it up, she decides. No more procrastinating, the sooner she gets this over and done with, the better.

So she grabs her car keys and heads out the door. _Drive to Beck. Grab your stuff. Leave._ That's the plan. Shouldn't be too hard, should it? She thinks to herself as she starts up her car and backs out.

Her body functions almost automatically as she drives, she knows the way to Beck's house way too well. Too many times she has driven there before. But this might be the last one. Her body tenses up at the thought. She's still not used to thinking like this, not after three years of knowing that there would always be someone else. And suddenly she feels alone.

As much as Jade likes to pretend that she is stronger than her feelings, in reality things look different. She is strong, no doubt. But not as strong as she would like to be. She doesn't have a lot of weaknesses, that much is true, but unfortunately Beck is one of the few she has. Her biggest one, maybe.

But Jade is not one to cling to things. She would never try to live a lie. She knows when to let go. She isn't one of those delusional girls who wait forever. She is one of those who move on.

Even though she doubts that time will be able to heal her broken heart, she knows that it will at least be able to fix it good enough for it to work again. It might take months, or years even, but she knows that she will live. Jade West doesn't break. Her heart might or might not have broken, but not Jade. Jade would never let a boy break her.

She parks her car a little down the street and walks the rest of the way to Beck's RV, because she doesn't necessarily want his parents to know that she is here. His parents are not even that bad, but having to talk to them would be awkward. She just isn't in the mood to fake a smile while making small talk with her ex-boyfriend's parents.

As she stomps up the steps, she feels her heart sinking a little and all of her courage vanishes all of a sudden. Is this a good idea after all? But she has to. She has to move on. They are over. For good.

She feels awkward politely knocking on the brazen door she has kicked open violently so many times before. Suddenly she remembers that she even has a key. Beck gave it to her for their second anniversary. Not that she has ever used it, and she most definitely would not use it _now_, but it's still there, on her key ring in her pocket, and it feels more wrong than ever for it to be there. She fiddles with her keys as he waits for him to open the door, pulling it off. She doesn't want his stupid key and she wants him knowing that she still has it even less.

She almost forgets why she is here because she is too lost in thought while removing Beck's key from hers, when suddenly the door swings open and Beck is right in front of her, wearing one of his flannel shirts and worn-out jeans, looking as surprised as her (even though she shouldn't be, because she came here on her own; but as he is standing in front of her, this sudden wave of feelings washes over her and she's taken aback). "Jade?"

She snaps back to her old self. "Yeah hi," she says dryly as she thrusts the key in his hand and pushes him aside to make her way in. "I'm just here to get my stuff," she announces.

Beck still looks a little astounded by her sudden appearance, but doesn't object. "Okay," he shrugs and closes the door behind him before flopping down on his bed. She rummages about the RV, picking up clothes and magazines and everything that is hers that she can find, and stuffs it in a cardboard box she brought from home. Beck watches her quietly, playing with the key that is still in his hand where she has put it.

It feels weird to have it back, like it was the key to his heart that she refused to have any longer, because she doesn't need access anymore. It feels weird to watch her pack up, because it's like she was trying to vanish from his life completely, delete every trace that she has ever been there. It feels weird to see how his RV slowly empties, because every inch of it screams JadeJadeJade and even with her stuff gone, he just can't get rid of her presence. It feels weird not to be Beck&Jade anymore.

Jade's voice jolts him out if his thoughts. "This mine or yours?" She holds up a plaid red shirt. He remembers buying it, but he also has this clear image of her wearing it in his head. Jade had loved snatching his shirts. Sometimes they would share them, sometimes she would keep them and wear them so often that it was almost impossible for him to get them back, and he let her. Because he had loved it when she was wearing his shirts. It brought out this special connection they have had, everything they have had, a little insight in their relationship that has otherwise been off limits to anybody else. Now it just shows what they have lost, because Jade is never wearing his shirt anymore, and it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I'm not sure," he says. "Just take it."

She nods and puts it in her box, then she moves on to the tiny bathroom to gather all of her things in there. Once she is out of Beck's view, she lets out a little sigh. Being here is harder than she had imagined, with all those memories seeming to crush her and making it hard to breathe. She runs a hand through her hair and collects several shampoo bottles, a tooth brush and mascara. The smell of Beck's aftershave is hanging in the air and she isn't sure how much longer she can take it without breaking apart. She hastily shoves the rest of her belongings into her box and stomps out of the bathroom.

Jade looks around the RV to check if she has missed anything. Beck gets up and walks a few steps closer to her, also looking for stuff she might have missed. The uncomfortable silence makes this even more awkward than it already is. She catches his glance, but quickly drops her gaze to her cardboard box. "I guess that's it," she says and he isn't sure if she is talking about her things or them, and neither is she.

"That's it," he repeats slowly, running a hand through his dark hair. It's an old habit that he just can't get rid of. She lifts her head to look at him and they just stand there for a moment, eying each other, and she notices how tired he looks and he doesn't miss the hint of red in her ice-blue eyes. Everything is just so awkward between them that it's almost funny.

Then suddenly, his lips crash into hers and her arms are around his neck and his hands are all over her body, and the box full of her things lands on the floor, long forgotten. He drags her over to his bed, never breaking the contact of their lips, and they lose a fair amount of their clothes on the way. They flop down on the tiny bed and he is on top of her and it almost feels like those ten seconds never happened. He runs his hands over her body and they get close and closer and _closer_ and Jade realizes that she has actually missed this. And the air is so full of feelings and passion that they forget everything and don't even realize what they are doing until they eventually break apart and collapse onto the sheets next to each other, panting heavily.

"Shit," Jade mutters and covers her face in her hands, slowly grasping what they have done. She pushes herself up and starts collecting her clothes that are spread all over the room, quickly putting them on.

"Jade," Beck says, sitting up, but she slowly starts panicking and _shit_, she needs to get out of here.

"I gotta go," she mumbles and rushes outside, not even bothering to close the door behind her. She runs to her car and drives away, just away, as if she was afraid Beck might follow her if she isn't fast enough. Running away always seems like a good solution for all of her problems.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." She is barely able to focus on the street and nervously runs a hand through her messy hair as she tries to keep the control over her vehicle. Her blood is still rushing through her veins and it feels incredibly hot in her car, but she refuses to open a window because she doesn't want to let the real world in. She wants to believe that this is just a bad dream and that she will wake up every second.

Her plan was so simple. _Drive to Beck. Grab your stuff. Leave._ Yet she managed to mess it up. Big time. Because the plan certainly did not involve _sleep with your ex-boyfriend_. As if things hadn't been awkward enough between them already. And to make matters worse, she didn't even take her stuff with her when she left. Problems just keep piling up for her, and weirdly enough, Beck Oliver seems to be responsible for all of them.

…

Jade didn't even want to get up this morning, but somehow she managed to get out of bed, take a shower and arrive at school in time anyway. Questions and regrets have kept her up all night, but she wouldn't let Beck know how much of a mess she is by staying home. She is not sure how to act after what happened yesterday, but what worries her even more is that she doesn't know how _Beck _will act. Maybe they could just pretend it never happened and move on. She likes that idea a lot, actually. Ignore that there is a hickey on her neck and probably traces of her nails on Beck's back and move on like nothing ever happened between them.

And she thinks that this might actually work when she manages to get through the first two lessons and breaks without seeing Beck. If he wanted to talk about it, he probably would have tried to already. Maybe he is thinking the same and just wants to forget this as soon as possible. And she is more than okay with that.

She is actually believing in her theory until Beck pops up at her locker during lunch break. She is just throwing some books she doesn't need in when he is in front of her suddenly, casually leaning on the locker next to hers, and a little too close for her liking. She glances at him from the corner of her eye for a second to let him know that she has acknowledged his presence, but resumes rummaging about her locker then. Maybe he will take the hint. Jade does not want to talk.

But Beck does. "Hey," he greets.

"What," Jade snaps and slams her locker shut as if to underline her annoyance.

"You, uhm, forgot your stuff yesterday," Beck says awkwardly and forces a smile.

She rolls her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock." They look each other into the eye without saying a word. Jade's lips are pressed together and her arms are crossed defiantly, she is not even trying to hide how unpleasant she finds this whole situation.

Beck decides to break the silence. "I would've brought it to school for you, but I wasn't sure if you would want that."

"And let the whole school take part in our breakup? No thanks."

"Thought so."

More silence. Jade taps her foot impatiently. Beck starts playing with the ring around his neck. "So... do you want to pick it up later or...?" he asks.

"Picking it up didn't work out so well yesterday, now did it?" she says, cocking an eyebrow.

Beck shrugs slowly, giving her a half-smile. "So now what?"

"I don't know," she says. "I'll just come pick it up... some other time."

"Alright."

They stand around awkwardly for a while, before Jade decides that she has had enough and clears her throat. "Bye," she simply says, picks up her bag and leaves, leaving Beck behind.

He watches her walk away for a moment, before he runs after her. He doesn't even know why he does it, maybe he is still confused after yesterday, or maybe he just can't stand watching her leave again. "Hey, Jade, wait!"

"_What_?" she groans, making clear how irritated she is, but stops and turns around anyway.

"Aren't you going to the Asphalt Cafe to grab some lunch?"

"Yeah why?"

"Well, I'm going too and I thought we could walk there together since..." he trails off, a little taken aback by her 'are-you-kidding-me' face.

"How would that look?" she scoffs.

"Just because we aren't dating anymore, it doesn't mean that we can't act friendly towards each other. And we always eat at the same table with the others anyway!" His tone is almost defensive now, like a child that has been accused of something it didn't do. And he starts to wonder why on earth he wants this so desperately. His feelings are probably still a mess. That must be it, he decides. He is still flustered and not responsible for anything he is doing right now. But even though he realizes that he is making a fool out of himself, he has no intention of stopping. What the hell is wrong with him?

"Really, Beck?" Jade sighs. "You wanna be _friends_ now? After all that happened?" She says the word _friends_ as if it was the most ridiculous thing she has ever heard.

He shrugs sheepishly. "We could try. Maybe it would make things less... you know, awkward."

She sighs again. "I don't know if this is such a good idea."

"Please?" Beck pleads, but is barely able to hide his grin, because this almost feels like the old times, when he was trying to persuade her to come with him to some party or watch a movie she didn't like. Jade raises and eyebrow at him, but eventually gives in.

"You can be such a pain in the neck sometimes."

Beck smirks and they make their way to the Asphalt Cafe together, earning a few weird glances on the way. Jade still isn't sure why she ever agreed to this, because rumors will start spreading like a wildfire now and she hasn't even sorted out her feelings yet, but being with Beck like this feels definitely better than awkward moments and avoiding each other. So last night might have had a positive effect after all.

Even their friends are a little flabbergasted when they see Beck and Jade approaching the table together. They watch them like some kind of exotic animal as they put their trays on the table and sit down between the others. Of course the sudden silence and staring doesn't go unnoticed and Jade shoots glares at all of them. "What are you looking at?" she snaps.

Andre is brave enough to speak for all of them, as he is Beck's best friend and one of the few people that Jade does not hate (that much). "You two are back together?"

"No," Jade says bluntly and picks up her burrito.

Andre nods. "Okay," he says awkwardly and continues eating his lunch, but all eyes still remain on Beck and Jade.

…

"What is going on between you and Beck?" Tori asks a few days later. They are at the Asphalt Cafe again, enjoying the sun with Cat because one of their classes got canceled. Strangely enough, Jade and her have become kind of sort of friends after the breakup with Beck. Kind of sort of. Because whenever Tori mentions the word "friend" while Jade was around, she earns a glare. So she is just content with the kind of sort of friendship they have and keeps quiet about it.

Jade's head shoots up at the question and she stares at Tori, furrowing her brows. "What?"

"I just-," Tori stumbles. "I was just wondering because you guys seem... pretty... close lately?" She has this way of making statements sound like questions when she is nervous and Jade hates it.

"We're not _close_," she hisses and takes a sip of her coffee. It's true that they are not avoiding or ignoring each other anymore. They talk sometimes. But that's basically it.

"Well, you are closer than a few weeks ago."

"So what?"

Tori pouts a little. "Nothing."

…

It's a Saturday night and somehow Jade ends up at some lame party of a girl whose name she doesn't even remember. But it's not like she has anything better to do anyway, so she strolls through a crowd of dancing people, a drink in her hand that is supposed to be non-alcoholic but tastes a lot like someone put one or two shots in it. Not that she minds, though.

Except for Andre, there doesn't seem to be any decent person she knows at this party. But the last time she saw him, he was busy making out with some girl in the corner and she would rather not stay anywhere near them.

The house is crowded and stifling, the air reeking of sweat and alcohol, and Jade is starting to get bored. Parties aren't as fun if you don't know anyone, and Jade isn't exactly sociable, either, so the last thing she would do would be talking to strangers. She is thinking about leaving, when suddenly someone puts an arm around her and pulls her close, pressing a kiss on her temple.

"What the-"

"Hey babe," she hears a way too familiar voice say loudly, and she wouldn't even have to turn her head to know who it is, but she does anyway.

Next to her is Beck, looking like he has been at this party for quite a while already, and beaming at her like an idiot. "Are you drunk?" she asks dryly.

He drags her away from the crowd, to a more quiet corner. She shoots him a questioning glance. "I'm not drunk," he says. "Not very much, at least." She raises both her eyebrows and he chuckles. "Don't give me that look. There were some girls from Northridge who wouldn't leave me alone, so I told them you were my girlfriend."

"Oh great, so I'm your token girlfriend now."

He rolls his eyes. "Relaaax. It was a one time thing."

"You _are_ drunk."

"Well, aren't you?"

"...Maybe a little."

"See," he grins. "So, did you come here alone?"

"Would I be here talking to you if I had any other options?" she deadpans, but he knows her well enough to know that she is joking. It's a very Jade-ish way of joking, but still.

"I came here with Andre, but he's kinda busy right now," Beck says, motioning to one of the couches where Andre is occupied with sucking some girl's face.

"He's _very_ busy tonight, isn't he?" Jade asks, cocking and eyebrow in Andre's direction.

Beck shrugs. "I'm not going to stop him."

They silently watch the crowd for a while, before Beck's glance wanders to his ex-girlfriend. She is wearing a short black dress, that is hugging her in all the right places, and matching high heels, that make her legs seem even longer than they already are. Her make-up matches the turquoise streaks in her hair and she simply looks drop-dead gorgeous. He catches himself being relieved that he is the one talking to her right now and not some filthy Northridge guy who isn't able to spell his own name right.

"You look pretty," he tells her before really thinking his actions over.

Jade eyes him suspiciously. "How many drinks did you have, Beck?"

"I mean it," he assures her. "And I'm not _that_ drunk."

She rolls her eyes. "Sure." She takes another sip of her drink and when she looks up again, she catches Beck staring at her. "What?" she asks, but instead of answering, he presses his lips on hers and to her own surprise, she finds herself kissing him back after only a split second. He wraps his arms tightly around her and pulls her close and closer, because it's been too long and he misses being close to her more than anything. She carelessly tosses her beverage away and he pushes her against the wall, closing every possible gap between them.

Being completely caught up in their make out session, the pair stumble into the first available room next to them, which happens to be some sort of closet. Who or how they even managed to open the door and close it behind them again, they don't know. But suddenly all of their clothes seem so unnecessary that they can't get rid of them fast enough.

"What are we doing," Jade manages to bring out between his kisses, but it's more of a brief remark to silence her conscience than a question, and as he thrusts inside her, every doubt hushes completely and she seems to forget where they are and who they are and everything bad that has ever happened between them.

"I can't believe this happened again," Beck says, panting, as he picks up his clothes after.

"But hey, we could just be friends!" Jade mocks sarcastically and slips back into her dress. She desperately tries to fix her hair and make-up, because every inch of her seems to be telling the world 'hey, I just had sex in a tiny closet!'.

"Very funny," he deadpans. "At least you're not running away this time."

She gives him a look while smoothing her dress. "You know," she says. "We don't just suck at being a couple, we also suck at being broken up. Seriously."

He can't help but chuckle at her words, because she is absolutely right. Broken up couples don't make out at any given opportunity. But then again, they have always been far from what people would call a "normal" couple, so why would they start that now?

Jade pulls a pocket mirror out of her handbag and checks her appearance. "Geez, I look terrible," she remarks, then looks at him. "And you don't look any better."

"Well, what did you expect?" he shrugs. "But it's close to 3AM anyway, people are probably either too tired or too drunk to notice."

"Fine," she says. "Let's get out of here."

Beck has barely left the closet when he finds himself in front of Andre, and Jade almost bumps into him because he stops dead in his tracks. Andre furrows his eyebrows. "Dude," he says. He has obviously had a few drinks, but he is still able to put two and two together and figure out what's going on. "I thought you guys weren't back together."

"We aren't," Beck says, glancing at Jade.

"Woah," Andre says as it is slowly dawning on him what happened, then bursts into laughter. "Woah."

Jade rolls her eyes. "Shut up, Harris." But as this only causes him to laugh even more, she adds, "Don't you have your little girlfriend that you need to keep busy?"

Andre smirks. "Nah, she left a while ago."

"We should probably leave, too," Beck says, turning to Jade. "Do you need a ride home?"

"I bet she'd rather ride you again," Andre bawls and almost falls over because he finds himself just too hilarious.

Beck and Jade exchange glances. "And you thought _I_ was drunk."

"Let's just leave."

…

Of course someone has to bring up Saturday night when they sit together at lunch on Monday. "Were any of you guys at Shelly Pomeroy's party last weekend? I heard it was pretty... intense," Tori says before taking a bite of her burrito.

Jade and Beck exchange an awkward glance and Andre, of course, starts laughing again. "Oh yeah, we were there. Right, Beck?"

"Dude," he says, obviously irritated. Even though Andre is his best friend, he knows that he loves messing with him from time to time. It's his way of being funny. But Beck really doesn't need any more people to know about Jade's and his... activities.

"What? Didn't you have fun, Beck?" Andre teases, still laughing. Tori, Cat and Robbie watch them without saying anything as they are trying to figure out what the heck is going on, because their friends are acting more than weird.

"If you don't want my fork to land in your eye, you better shut up now," Jade hisses and angrily points her fork at Andre, who seems to take the threat seriously. He knows better than to underestimate Jade.

"Alight, alright," he says placatory, raising his hands in surrender. "Chill, girl."

Tori looks from one to another. If there is one thing Tori Vega cannot stand, it is when someone keeps something from her. And she knows for sure that something is going on here. She waits until lunch break is over and her and Jade are walking to class together before she asks, because she knows that asking with everyone around would have been pointless.

She takes her time packing up after she has finished her burrito, knowing that Jade will wait for her since the two of them are the only ones of the group taking this class. And as soon as everyone is out of earshot, she asks her. "What happened on Saturday?"

She notices how Jade shifts uncomfortably, but is still trying to keep her poker face. "Nothing."

"Oh come on, Jade. What was Andre talking about?"

"It's nothing. Just leave it at that."

"It was something between you and Beck, wasn't it?"

"Tori," Jade whines.

"Just tell me!" Tori pleads, grabbing Jade's arm. She is, indeed, a very good begger. And Jade knows how she can get. Whenever Tori Vega wants something, she will get it. It's like her existence came with some kind of contract that makes sure that things go Tori's way, one way or another, even if it takes a while.

"No."

"Tell me!"

"What are you? Five years old?"

"Jade!"

Once again, Jade starts wondering why she even puts up with Vega. It's a mystery, even to her. "Why can't you just tell me?"

"Fine," Jade groans, rolling her eyes. "You wanna know? Okay. I slept with Beck. There. Will you shut up now?"

The brunette is taken aback for a moment, just staring at her friend. "You- what?"

"You heard me."

"Oh my god."

"I know."

They continue their way in silence for a few seconds, before Tori speaks again, carefully eying her maybe-friend. "Do you still love him?" she asks and mentally prepares for all sorts of reactions Jade could have to this. But to her surprise the black-haired girl stays rather calm.

"I don't know," she simply replies.

…

A week later Jade decides that she has enough self-control to pick up her stuff at Beck's place now. Her plan did not change, it's as simple as always. _Drive to Beck. Grab your stuff. Leave. _She thinks that it might work out this time. She just needs to remember the plan. _Drive to Beck. Grab your stuff. Leave._

Again, she doesn't even have to think while driving, the old habit moves her body, and soon she finds herself in front of Beck's door again, at the same spot like three weeks ago, just that she isn't as nervous this time. _Go inside. Grab your stuff. Leave._ No big deal.

She knocks on the silver door and it seems like Beck answers the door faster than last time. And he doesn't look the least bit confused to see her this time. If anything, he looks pleasantly surprised as he smiles down at her. "Hi."

"Hey," Jade says. "I'm just here to get my stuff." All of this feels oddly familiar, yet different. She can't really grasp the feeling that is growing in her stomach. Beck nods and moves aside so she can enter. Is she just imagining things or does he look disappointed? She steps in and immediately spots the box full of her things, and she is pretty sure that it is still in the exact same place where she had dropped it a few weeks ago, as if it was just waiting for her to continue where she (or they?) left off last time. _Grab your stuff. Leave._

She approaches the cardboard box and is happy to see that everything is still inside and that she doesn't have to spend more time than necessary in Beck's stupid RV full of memories. She picks it up, resting it on her hip so that she can carry it with one arm. She looks at Beck and they lock eyes for a split second, before she awkwardly clears her throat and starts walking towards the door. _Leave._ Everything is going according to plan and she can't deny that she feels proud of herself as she sets her foot outside of the RV. But she should have known that this would have been a little _too_ easy if it had really worked just like that.

"Jade," Beck says from behind her, and she stops walking and turns around to face him, raising an eyebrow to signal that she is waiting for him to talk. "I know that we do suck at being broken up," he starts, earning a questioning glance from her. "but I think we suck at being a couple a little less."

As she stares at him, trying to figure out his words, she feels herself weaken under his gaze again. How he always manages to have this effect on her, she isn't sure. But she tries to keep together the last bit of strength and self-control she has left. "What are you trying to say?"

She never gets to hear the answer, because Beck simply steps forward and kisses her and she finds herself kissing him back immediately. It's not like last time and the time before. It's not this longing, hungry kind of kiss, but a sweet and loving one, and she wonders how she even managed to last seven long weeks without this. They eventually break apart and Beck gives her one of his sheepish smiles and she is chewing her lip, but somehow forms a little smile anyway.

"We really, really suck at being broken up," she says and nods to underline her statement.

Beck smirks. "And at being just friends."

"Maybe we'll suck at being a couple again."

"I say we find out," he shrugs and she smiles and leans in for another kiss.

It's no surprise really, that once again, her plan didn't work out. But she has to admit that _Drive to Beck. Grab your stuff. End up as a couple. Bring your stuff back in. Don't ever leave again._ doesn't sound too bad after all.

* * *

**I know this is a lot longer than what I usually write, so thanks for making it through the whole thing! I'd appreciate reviews very much :) And i****f you got the Veronica Mars reference, we should definitely be friends.**


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